change

"When one door of happiness closes, another door opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

-Helen Keller

Change is really hard to grasp sometimes but it ultimately it leads to immense growth. There have been so many times in my life where I have dwelled on the past and not fully loved and accepted the present.

The Refiner's Fire

 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31

carlsbad

I have had such a nice time in Carlsbad with my family these past couple days. Today I went and picked fresh strawberries with some of my siblings and parents. We found strawberries that tasted and looked unreal! When we got home, Jane and I ate about five strawberries each and dipped them in sour cream and brown sugar. It seems as though all we have done here is eat simply delightful foods while on this vacation, like we usually do.

This morning when we went to watch the first session of conference, we had a hard time pulling it up on the internet and t.v. We missed about the first ten minutes because of these technical difficulties. This really made me realize how much I take conference for granted. When we are at home, all we have to do is turn on the radio, T.V. or computer and conference easily pops up. This morning my dad went to search the radio stations but found that no station was playing conference. Also, the T.V. channel wasn't working nor the computer. My family ended up watching the morning session on my dad's computer. We all crammed on the couch and could hardly hear over the dishwasher and disruptive little siblings.

Simple little pleasures have caught my attention recently and really made me appreciate the little things in life. I am so thankful for...

the ocean

strawberries dipped in sour cream and brown sugar

the sound of waves crashing on shore

arms to throw

football

giggling

my family

hot showers

my mom's delicious cooking

color

thankful

"Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond your imperfections."

The only one that can determine your happiness is yourself. I have always been happy with my life and never really understood why others aren't satisfied with theirs. I know that my life is not perfect but honestly, that doesn't matter to me. I am just happy to be alive. When I was two and a half, I had a near death experience that changed my life. I actually stopped breathing for a while and was brought back to life. After this experience, I grew a great love for life. I started to question how could I be so lucky to be alive today? With a smile on my face, I go on every day wondering how I can give back to this world that I am so lucky to live in. Often when I have met new people they say that I am different than any other girl my age. I don't really understand why this is. I just have always thought that I was the same. Once you realize who you are, I believe your perception of life greatly changes.

The other weekend, I was with two of my friends on a car ride back from Walmart. I stuck my head out the window and let the wind blow on my face. The spring chill of the night air aroused my senses sending chills down my arms and legs. I took a deep breath in and out. Giggles of my friends rang in my ears and I could smell trees from outside of the car. Life is simply amazing.

hope

Its 1:37 at night and I hardly feel like sleeping. Anxiety constantly pulsing through my veins, I dread the upcoming events. Tests, homework and lectures with concepts hard to grasp bounce around in my contimplative head. Why does school have to be so hard? I constantly find myself asking this question. Will this information be vital to my progression in life? What I find most discouraging is a low test score after diligant studying and significant effort towards the subject. Not only does school seem to get harder but every other aspect of life does as well. My studies have distanced me from friends and really influenced my attitude. Also, I do not know what decisions to make about the guys I date, how I should arrange my school fillled daily schedule, and lately I have really been wondering if I should go on a study abroad.

When I got home from a date tonight, I talked to my sister Jessica who reminded me of why I need to stick through and have faith that everything will work out in the end. I realized that I make my decisions, that is why I am here. Heavenly Father is only there to conferm that I make the correct decisions. The other day I was writing my friends in the MTC and thought I would throw in a scripture to strengthen and lift them up. I chose to write about John 16:33. This has been one of my favorite scriptures this school year. I had completely forgotten about it until a couple days ago. This scripture talks about how Christ has overcome the world. I only wish I could do the same. One of my friends, Misha Falk, wrote me back and told me what an influence this scripture had on him. It is important to realize that everyone has hard days. These days help us really discover and love the good days. How can you feel joy when you have never understood pain?

...

Sitting at a deserted table, I look around the foreign, low light room. The candle lit tables are covered with spectacular foods and eloquent dining ware. A lure of buttered rolls and sweet spices arouse my senses. Gazing up, I rapture at the tall remarkable architecture. Much work had gone into this gaudy looking ceiling with distinguishable rib vaults yet I imagine it is hardly noticed. I clutched my pocket watch and dreadfully gape at the long black stick pointing south. Closing my heavy eyelids, a flow of power beats within my tense bones at a melodious pace. It was time and I was not ready. Slightly moving my chair, I eased away from the table and walked towards the impressive window. Through the large, dark glass, I could see couples holding hands and laughing as they delicately glided in unison down the lamp lit street. Frantically recalling the information I had worked so hard to remember, I could sense the inevitable event.

#21) Blog Evaluation

At first, I wasn’t excited to write a blog. I didn’t think I had anything to write about and kept putting it off. When our class was asked to comment on five blogs, I changed my mind. I realized that my posts didn’t need to be research papers and that they should reflect me and my personality. With this in mind, I decided that I wanted write about the lessons I have learned at BYU. I decided that my blog wasn’t the place to talk about boys and my dating experiences and found that I probably would have regretted it if I had. In my room I have a chalkboard that I often write inspirational quotes on. These quotes really make me think when I see them every day as I enter my room. When I was writing I added some of these quotes and scriptures to my posts that went along with my stories. It was fun to also add pictures of friends and family. As I kept posting, I really grew to love my blog. I noticed that I often wrote about my family, spiritual experiences and past memories I have had in high school and how I have changed since then. I feel like my blog really made me realize what I have learned from my experience at BYU. Even though no one really reads my blog, I hope that I can bring inspiration to at least one other person. Maybe I’ll have to have my mom read it sometime. Overall, I really enjoyed the assignment of writing a blog and am so grateful I did. Now I can look back and recall experiences that I probably would have forgotten if I hadn’t written them down. Sister Steadman, thank you for assigning such a fun assignment. I really enjoyed your class and am going to miss it next semester.